After what happened in the last 24 hours it makes me question if I am prepared. Am I ready for my future? I am ready for the unexpected that is going to happen, all the good and the bad? All the pretty and the ugly? How do I prepare for the future? What can my mentors do to assist me? What can I learn from their past experiences that will make my future ones better. What can we all do to make tomorrow more exceptional than today, and more outstanding than yesterday?
Studying to become a teacher I have seen a lot of situations that I wasn’t prepared for. Before I was even in the program I was volunteering in a 4th grade art room, and I had a young student who was usually out going and happy very quiet during class. Some of her friends came up to me and told me she was acting different. So I went up to this student and asked her how her day was going. Right away I could tell something was different. Her eyes gave it away. After a little bit of small talk, I asked if she would go out in the hall and chat some more with me. She agreed, so we walked out to have some privacy in the hallway. It was almost the end of class by this time, and so we just talked about the upcoming weekend, and how the weather was changing so quickly. Once class was over we were actually able to talk. I found out that there were some troubles at home, and this wasn’t the first time. How do you prepare for this? When a young student comes to you with a problem, any problem…can you keep your cool, figure out the problem and then move towards finding a solution. Or do you freeze up, show too much emotion, get too attached….and become more of the problem?
Today the country wept. I never watch the news. It is always so sad and it makes my day worse. I like reading the newspaper, then I can control how much news I take in at once. But today for some reason when I was home sitting downstairs having my cereal and coffee I thought, “Hey, I’ll put on CNN and have it on as background noise when I am doing stuff around the house.” That was at 10:30am central time. Not long after the shooting occurred. I was hooked on the station. It started out as only a few people passed away, then it moved onto about 10, then almost 20, then closer to 30. It kept getting worse and worse, and yet I couldn’t look away. It took me back to 9/11. Why is when we see something bad, or hear about it, we ask so many more questions. We are intrigued We are curious. We want details. We reread all the stories. We continue to listen to the same report over and over again. Until we think we know exactly what happened. Until we believe we have figured out any reason why it happened. Then we begin to question our own lives.
Within a few hours everyone on Facebook had their status’ about the shooting. About loving their children, calling and saying I love you. Hugging them. Spending time with them. Praying for the families at the school. We think that even though we may have no connection to anyone out at the shooting, our short status update will make a difference. This isn’t really for them, this is to comfort us. To make ourselves feel better about our own lives. To tell ourselves that today we are going to do better, we are going to make a difference, we are going to love more, smile more, be happy. I hope this is true.
It leads to me writing this post. To wondering what will change in the future as I am a teacher. What will happen in my classroom with my students in the future, will there be any new laws that will protect my students? And myself? Will I be able to do anything to be more prepared? What can I do to make a difference in my future students’ lives?
I will lay down tonight in my bed, thinking about my life. Thinking about our country. Guns. Schools. My future classroom. What can I do to prepare? Maybe tomorrow I can start by doing some simple research to make my day more productive, and then take a deep breath. I will take each step, each day one at a time and realize that if I prepare myself for the impossible, then maybe I will be ready for the possible.
until again, with love